Different. 

I have to start practicing what I preach. I constantly tell my friends not to succumb to society’s standards but I do so myself. Kind of. 

I’m a woman. I’m a gay woman. Unfortunately, the two sentences have two very different meanings for many people. Saying that I’m a woman holds a different weight than saying that I’m a gay woman. Some people think that gay women are inherently different from straight women. While we may be different in a few areas, it’s important for everyone to remember that a woman is a woman regardless of her sexual orientation. 

Okay so now that I’m done with that rant, let me talk about what I really wanna talk about.. 

I sometimes struggle with the woman I am. I struggle with it because I’m not the woman that many people want me to be. I don’t wear makeup, I don’t enjoy wearing heels, and my purse collection is slim to none. Designer handbags don’t get me off. Neither do new shoes. Sneakers on the other hand? Sneakers make me genuinely happy. Sweatpants? Sweatpants make me genuinely happy. But enjoying these things makes me feel like less of a woman and I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t ever want to be referred to as manly or masculine whether it’s because of the way I dress or the way I act. Don’t ever say to me, “you’re acting like a guy.” I will be insulted. Regardless of how I act, I never want to be compared to a man. Why? Simply because I am a woman. I am a woman who loves women and having to explain that to others is frustrating. Why can’t a woman love women without being asked why or without giving an explanation? Why can’t men understand that lesbians love the same things they love about women AND THEN SOME? I am a woman who is not afraid of killing bugs. I won’t scream at the site of a spider. I am a woman who doesn’t own much jewelry. However, I do feel incomplete when I don’t have earrings on. I am a woman who doesn’t wear heels often but almost always has her toes done. I am a woman who doesn’t expect a man to hold the door open for her. I am a woman who doesn’t try to impress other people by acting like someone that I’m not. I am a woman with a sailor’s mouth. I am a woman who has trouble with the term “ladylike.” I do not have to cross my legs and I do not have to burp quietly. I am a woman who can and will do what she wants when she wants. I am a woman with little to no hair on her tongue. I will ask you outrageous questions and I will burst your bubble. I am a woman who cannot be put into a box. I am a woman who will get readily offended when referred to as less than a woman. 

Women come in all shapes and sizes. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean that I act a certain way or that I react a certain way. It doesn’t mean that I dress a certain way. Or that I like certain things. Keep in mind that every woman is different. 

Yours truly, 

The feminine lesbian despite Google’s definition of feminine