Are you sure you’re straight? 

Maybe this topic is redundant on my blog BUT I keep finding myself in the same situation. Let me explain: 

I had an interaction at work today with a young male who was obviously flirting with me. I proceeded to tell him that I have a girlfriend and he stopped in his tracks as men often do and asked, “So are you a lesbian or are you bi?” Now before I even answered that, I was thinking, “does it matter?” Not because I don’t identify with a particular sexuality but because I JUST informed him that I was in a relationship. Keyword: relationship. Anywho, I told him that I am indeed a lesbian. He then questioned my sexuality by asking if I’ll ever be with a man, so on and so forth. He said, “Well, how can you say never if you don’t know?” I proceeded to ask him if he was sure he was straight. Flabbergasted, he said yes, he knows what he is and knows what he likes. SO HOW IS MY SEXUALITY ANY DIFFERENT, SIR? This opened up a can of worms for me. 

I am absolutely sick and tired of people thinking and/or assuming that a woman’s sexuality is fluid, particularly when she identifies as a lesbian. Now this isn’t to say that sexuality can’t be fluid or that a woman who identifies as a lesbian will ALWAYS identify as a lesbian, but why is it assumed that there’s a possibility I’ll date a man in the future? And this goes back to our heteronormative society that assumes everyone is straight which means straight people don’t have to “come out of the closet” nor are they questioned about their sexuality. If someone identifies as straight, do we ask them, “Have you always been straight? When’d you know? How’d you tell your parents? Are you sure you’re straight?” Those questions are NEVER asked. If someone identifies as straight, particularly men, it is almost offensive if you ask them if they’re sure. A straight man with a fluid sexuality? How dare I even think that? 

This situation also leads me to think that if I were less feminine, men wouldn’t question my sexuality as often as they do. Do I have to wear baggy clothes and have a buzz cut in order to be taken serious? Why is it assumed that a feminine woman is straight? Here’s an FYI, lesbians come in all shapes and sizes. Oh and some of them even wear makeup, heels, dresses, etc. 


And wait, one more thing: STOP THINKING YOU CAN TURN A WOMAN OUT! In fact, if any “turning out” is happening, it’s probably a lesbian turning out a straight woman. 


That goes for Tyga and A$AP Rocky who have lyrics targeting lesbians. Here they are: 

“Car too fast, give a fuck about pedestrians 

And my section less niggas, more lesbians 

Got your bitch, I’m that nigga” – Tyga 

“I be fuckin broads like I be fuckin bored 

Turn a dyke bitch out, have her fuckin boys” – A$AP Rocky 

Did anyone bat an eye when hearing these lyrics? Would someone bat an eye if a mainstream rapper like A$AP Rocky said, “Turn a straight man out, have him fuckin boys”? My guess is that the Internet would go crazy. 

In conclusion, 

Yes, I like women. 

No, I don’t like men. 

No, I won’t like men in the future. 

No, you don’t have a chance. 

Sincerely yours, 

The lesbian who wants to be taken serious 

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Questions Pt. 2

It’s only right to start this blog with this question: who knows you the best? Is it your mom? Your dad? Your best friend? Your lover? Your coworker? Do they know your deepest darkest secrets? What about these secrets are deep and dark? What would happen if one day everyone found out what your deepest darkest secret is? How would this change your life? When’s the last time something life-changing happened to you? When’s the last time you did something for the first time? Are first-time experiences always better than the experiences that follow? What have some of your favorite experiences been? What are your fondest memories, good and bad? Do you think we remember more good than bad or do we remember more bad than good? What is your most painful memory? Why is this your most painful memory? Do you think you’ll ever be able to let go of your most painful memory? How much do we actually remember? Do you think we forget more than we remember? Or do we remember more than we forget? What if you found out that your parents weren’t your parents? Would you want to know who your real parents are? What makes a “good” parent good? What makes a “bad” parent bad? If there were no restrictions, how many children would you like to have? How many boys? How many girls? What would you do as a parent that your parent(s) did with you? What would you do differently? Would you change anything about your life thus far? Are you generally happy with the way your life has gone and is currently going? What makes you happy? Is happiness different for everyone? Would you be happier if you had more money? What about more clothes? What about a newer car? How important are material things to you? How would you feel if you came home to no clothes and no shoes? What if a family/friend gave your clothes to a homeless person? Would this change how you feel? Would you switch lives with a homeless person for a week in order to provide them with shelter and food? Would you do this for free or would money need to be involved? If you could have any amount of money in the world, how much would you want? What is the first thing you would do with this money? Would you quit your job? What if your boss begged you to stay? Would you stop going to school? What if you were a year away from finishing? What’s your favorite quote? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Curiosity gets me out of bed in the morning.

There is so much left to do, so much left to learn.

There are so many more people left to love, so many more memories to be made.

Think about this the next time you have trouble waking up in the morning.

Yours truly,

The lesbian who will never stop asking questions