24 in 24 

I’m turning 24 years old in 24 hours… ish. 23 was an important year and I’d probably say it was the best year of my life. Here’s 24 reasons why: 

1) August 11, 2016 – my girlfriend treated me to a delicious meal at a REAL steakhouse #notoutback 😉 


2) I went to my first baseball game. The Mets lost, of course 😂


3) Volunteered at Global Citizen Festival for the first time. Thank you, Patrick! 


4) Witnessed one of my girlfriend’s dreams come true: she met her FAVORITE artist! 


5) Saw Beyoncé for the SECOND time that year! 


6) Completed my first Tough Mudder 💪🏼 


7) Visited Austin, TX for the first time. 


8) Went skydiving for the first time! 


9) Visited Canada for the first time and spent New Years in Montreal. 


10) Learned how to ski at Whiteface Mountain! Thank you, Kyle from ORDA, for organizing an amazing trip for us.

 

11) Went skiing for the SECOND time on Valentine’s Day. 


12) Went skiing for the THIRD time, this time at Mountain Creek. 


13) Seen and listened to two of my favorite women talk at BMCC, Chelsea Handler and Gloria Steinem. 


14) On our way to a two-week vacation in California! 

15) Fell in love with Palm Springs and San Jacinto State Park.

 

16) Came to the realization that Joshua Tree is my favorite national park thus far. 


17) Went camping for the very first time (that little, orange tent is ours). 


18) Hurt my neck looking up at the sequoias in Sequoia National Park. 


19) Enjoyed the picturesque Mesquite Flat Sand Dunes in Death Valley National Park. 


20) Unexpectedly spent time in Las Vegas with my family from LA. 


21) Met my favorite spoken word artist, Rudy Francisco. 


22) Started rock climbing. Thank you, Brooklyn Boulders! Looking forward to becoming a #beast 💪🏼


23) Seen my favorite artist, J. Cole. 


24) And last but not least, here a few people that make every day worth it. 


I’m looking forward to 24 being just as full of adventure as 23 was. I want to learn more about myself, the ones I love, and life. I want to continue falling in love with nature, CMG, and new experiences. I want to be myself wholeheartedly. I want to be honest with myself and those around me. I want to live every day like it’s my last. 

And for those reading this, live your best life. Make a bucket list, make a list of what makes you happy and do it! If money is a problem, start a lemonade stand, start a GoFundMe, or wait until you have the money in place to make your dreams come true. It’ll be worth it when you’re telling your grandkids how much fun you had in your 20s. 😉 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who wants to live life to its fullest on her birthday and the other 364 days of the year 

Are you sure you’re straight? 

Maybe this topic is redundant on my blog BUT I keep finding myself in the same situation. Let me explain: 

I had an interaction at work today with a young male who was obviously flirting with me. I proceeded to tell him that I have a girlfriend and he stopped in his tracks as men often do and asked, “So are you a lesbian or are you bi?” Now before I even answered that, I was thinking, “does it matter?” Not because I don’t identify with a particular sexuality but because I JUST informed him that I was in a relationship. Keyword: relationship. Anywho, I told him that I am indeed a lesbian. He then questioned my sexuality by asking if I’ll ever be with a man, so on and so forth. He said, “Well, how can you say never if you don’t know?” I proceeded to ask him if he was sure he was straight. Flabbergasted, he said yes, he knows what he is and knows what he likes. SO HOW IS MY SEXUALITY ANY DIFFERENT, SIR? This opened up a can of worms for me. 

I am absolutely sick and tired of people thinking and/or assuming that a woman’s sexuality is fluid, particularly when she identifies as a lesbian. Now this isn’t to say that sexuality can’t be fluid or that a woman who identifies as a lesbian will ALWAYS identify as a lesbian, but why is it assumed that there’s a possibility I’ll date a man in the future? And this goes back to our heteronormative society that assumes everyone is straight which means straight people don’t have to “come out of the closet” nor are they questioned about their sexuality. If someone identifies as straight, do we ask them, “Have you always been straight? When’d you know? How’d you tell your parents? Are you sure you’re straight?” Those questions are NEVER asked. If someone identifies as straight, particularly men, it is almost offensive if you ask them if they’re sure. A straight man with a fluid sexuality? How dare I even think that? 

This situation also leads me to think that if I were less feminine, men wouldn’t question my sexuality as often as they do. Do I have to wear baggy clothes and have a buzz cut in order to be taken serious? Why is it assumed that a feminine woman is straight? Here’s an FYI, lesbians come in all shapes and sizes. Oh and some of them even wear makeup, heels, dresses, etc. 


And wait, one more thing: STOP THINKING YOU CAN TURN A WOMAN OUT! In fact, if any “turning out” is happening, it’s probably a lesbian turning out a straight woman. 


That goes for Tyga and A$AP Rocky who have lyrics targeting lesbians. Here they are: 

“Car too fast, give a fuck about pedestrians 

And my section less niggas, more lesbians 

Got your bitch, I’m that nigga” – Tyga 

“I be fuckin broads like I be fuckin bored 

Turn a dyke bitch out, have her fuckin boys” – A$AP Rocky 

Did anyone bat an eye when hearing these lyrics? Would someone bat an eye if a mainstream rapper like A$AP Rocky said, “Turn a straight man out, have him fuckin boys”? My guess is that the Internet would go crazy. 

In conclusion, 

Yes, I like women. 

No, I don’t like men. 

No, I won’t like men in the future. 

No, you don’t have a chance. 

Sincerely yours, 

The lesbian who wants to be taken serious 

Gay Pride Month

As I was exiting the subway station this morning, I noticed a TD Bank advertisement that read something along the lines of “celebrate pride month, celebrate pride year.” Once I left the station, the first thing I noticed was American Eagle’s window display for Pride. I then thought to myself, “All of these advertisements, window displays, and rainbow flags are about to come down because June is almost over.” A pretty dismal thought but it’s the reality of it, isn’t it?

The reality of Pride month is just that: it’s a month. For a month, the LGBTQ community feels recognized, accepted, and maybe even loved. But what about the 11 months of the year when rainbow flags aren’t dancing in the wind all over major cities such as NYC? The issue is Pride month is one of the only times of the year that same-sex couples make it to mainstream media. The issue is heterosexual references are everywhere, all the time. I put in my headphones and hear Trey Songz singing about sleeping with women. I change the song and hear SZA singing about sleeping with another woman’s boyfriend. I’m a huge fan of both of these artists; however, I’d love to listen to a song about homosexuals making love. I’d love to go on Instagram and see references to homosexual relationships. Instead I see things like, “Dickpressed: being sad or upset about the lack of dick in your life.” Instead I see things about falling for fuckboys and not being able to stay away from assholes. So, am I following the wrong pages or are heterosexual references EVERYWHERE? I’ve answered my own question.

Maybe I shouldn’t read into these things as much as I do but honestly they’re all reminders of the progress we HAVEN’T made. They’re reminders of the work that needs to be done. They’re reminders that the LGBTQ community continues to be the minority and continues to be treated as such. So thank you for raising your rainbow flags, thank you for the window displays and subway advertisements, BUT there’s 11 other months in the year. I’d like to be noticed then as well.

Sincerely yours,

The analytical, hyper-aware lesbian

My favorite example of love. 

I’ve been a romantic all my life and I’ve thought about, dreamt about, and talked about my ideal love. I fantasized about how they would make me feel, what they would say, and how happy they’d make me. My friends and I spent hours talking about our examples of love. As much as I wanted it, I wasn’t sure if it existed. I thought, maybe my expectations are too high and I’m living in a fantasy world. 

Then, you came along. 

You came along and made it feel like there was electricity flowing through my body. 

You came along and I stopped caring about how awkward it is to stare at someone. 

From the time we are children, we’re told that staring at someone is rude. But I can’t help but to stare at you. 

I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness when your eyes meet mine. I’ve even thought, “If I stare too long, I may start to cry.” 

This made me realize that tears of joy are real. And I’m almost certain that this is how you feel.  
You said I don’t write any “good” blogs in terms of good feelings. Well, here it is. 

Even when you’re away, I can feel you right here.  

Yours truly, 

The lesbian 

June 21, 2016 @ 11:11 am 


I need a day off from thinking. I think from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. My mind is full of questions. It wanders off into the darkest parts of my soul. I think of everything that can go wrong. I think of heartache, the past, and life’s struggles. I think of being abandoned by the one I love. I think of all of the places I haven’t seen and all of the places I won’t get the chance to see. I think of everything I haven’t done. I think of the sports I didn’t play, the grades I didn’t get, and even the classes I didn’t take. I think of the house I may never be able to afford and the life I may never be able to live. I think of the beginning and the end, never what comes in between. I think the beginning is the best and the end is the worst. The beginning is fresh and exciting while the end is painful and relentless. The problem with my thinking is it is not focused on the current moment. I’m either living in the past or looking forward to the future. I’m focusing on all of the pain associated with the past and all of the happiness associated with the future. I have to stop thinking in these terms or I’ll never be happy. I’ll never cherish the moment. I’ll continue to drive myself crazy, to ask questions I don’t need to ask, and to think thoughts that will only cause trouble. I have to stop myself. I have to take control of my hyperactive mind and just live! 

Now is probably a good time to start meditating. I shouldn’t have waited this long. 
Yours truly, 

The lesbian who thinks too damn much 

Society keeps breaking my heart. 

The uncertainty of it breaks my heart. Sabrina would tell me to stop tripping, to be present, and to hope for the best. She’d tell me to stop worrying so much about the future. But I’m here to share my fears with others, let them know that they are not alone, and also bring awareness to others. 

Awareness of how hard it is to be a lesbian. I may sound like a broken record; this is a topic that I cover often. But unfortunately, it continues to be a relevant one. 

I don’t know what the future holds but what I do know is that it sucks to CONVINCE other women that being with a woman is perfectly ok and actually feels really good. I’ve been trying to accept, fully understand, and wrap my head around this statement: “sexuality is fluid.” I realize that it is and I’d hate to bash bisexuals like the rest of the world does. But goddamn, this sucks. It sucks to want to marry a woman, have a family with her, and start a life with her, but never be sure if she’d be WILLING to do so. I hate feeling as if I have to CONVINCE others that women DO get married and have long, healthy marriages the same way heterosexual couples do. I hate feeling as if I have to CONVINCE others that two women can raise a child without the child growing up to be gay, different, confused, or whatever else people may think will transpire. I hate loving a woman and thinking to myself, “Am I enough? Will she leave me for a man one day?” I’m only speaking for myself when I say this, but I feel pressured to do everything and anything in my power to keep a woman happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness or putting my needs on the back burner. I’m constantly trying to be different from a man in hopes that it’ll be enough to keep a woman. I repeatedly think to myself, “Well, if I treat her better than most men have in the past, she’ll want to stay with me.” But then doubt enters my mind and that statement is followed by a, “….right?” And then I think, “WRONG!” I worry that one day she’ll want to live a “normal” life. She’ll want to have a normal family: a man, a woman, and a kid. She’ll want to have a normal wedding. A man and his groomsmen on one side of the alter and a woman and her bridesmaids on the other. 

My heart races as I write this. 

It races because I’m afraid. 

Afraid that I won’t be enough. 

Afraid that I won’t convince her to live an “abnormal” life. 

Afraid that I’ll always lose the love of my life to society’s standards. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who worries as if it’s her full-time job 

1 out of 365. 

 

What does acting like a girl even mean? Does it mean I have to enjoy wearing heels and have a secret wedding board on Pinterest? Does it mean I have to sit a certain way? Does it mean I have to enjoy cooking and cleaning? Unfortunately, for some people, it does. But, on this #InternationalWomensDay I want both men and women to know that there is no prototype. Every woman is different. While some do enjoy wearing heels, cooking, cleaning, etc., there are also many women who do not. There are women who enjoy wearing baggy clothes, women who don’t shave on a regular basis, women who don’t wear makeup, and the list goes on. These women should not be excluded or thought of as any less than a woman. Women, regardless of their lifestyle preferences, are capable of being successful doctors, lawyers, CEOs, and even the president of the United States. In my opinion, being told to “act like a lady,” is the worst insult ever. 

I always act like a lady because I am one. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who loves women on #InternationalWomensDay and every other day of the year