Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something many of us struggle with. What we see in the media and what we see in the mirror is different and sometimes that’s a problem. It would be silly to solely blame the media when we have friends and family whose advice we take seriously. There’s memes on Instagram about being the ugly friend. There are parents who tell their child(ren) how to dress, how to do their hair, etc. We all grow up knowing what’s an appropriate outfit to wear and what’s inappropriate. Women know when they should wear makeup and do their hair and men know when to wear a suit and tie. But some people don’t want to follow these rules.
This past weekend I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and unfortunately it wasn’t the first time that I felt this way. I didn’t feel beautiful, sexy, pretty, or whatever adjective you’d like to use. My hair didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I was bloated. And I wasn’t in love with my outfit. As opposed to leaving the house feeling good and excited for that night’s festivities (a long awaited Drake concert at Madison Square Garden!), I felt insecure and had the urge to stay inside where no one could see or judge me. It didn’t help that I was standing next to a blonde hair, green eye goddess either. I didn’t want to be the “ugly one” in the relationship. I didn’t want people to think to themselves, “Why is she with her?” And throughout the night, I kept thinking to myself, “She could be with anyone. Why is she with me?”
These thoughts lingered through the night and made their way into my head the following morning. As I laid on the beach, I thought and thought and thought some more. I realized that I am insecure and not in love with the way I look or dress. Then I thought about it some more because thinking is what I do. I then realized that I have to accept myself for who I am. I am unlike other women. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t own a purse. I don’t have a drawer full of accessories. I don’t have a closet full of shoes. Instead, I have a closet full of sneakers. While I want to feel beautiful, I have no desire to shop for a “Saturday night outfit.” There’s no part of me that wants to get dolled up. There’s no part of me that wants to “dress like a girl for once” as my friend once told me. I’m a woman who dresses up on occasion but most of the time wants to wear sweatpants, sneakers, and a hoodie. I can’t keep thinking that I am less attractive than woman who dress up because that’s MY kind of beautiful. I feel the most confident in a fresh pair of sneakers.
That’s just who I am.
The lesbian who will always be more excited for a new pair of kicks rather than a new handbag
PS: This is for all of you who are different in some way, shape, or form. Know who you are and accept it. It’ll pay off in the long run.
It seems as though it’s easier for us to feel as if we aren’t good enough. There is no solid definition or way to describe “good enough.” It means different things to different people. Some of us feel as if we aren’t good enough for our parents. Maybe your parents want you to become a doctor while your dream is to become a teacher. Some of us feel as if we aren’t good enough for our significant other. Maybe you don’t feel pretty enough, adventurous enough, or sexual enough. But the worst is when you don’t feel good enough for yourself. Maybe you think that you don’t deserve nice things or that you don’t deserve a boyfriend/girlfriend. You may even think that you aren’t worthy of love or success or happiness. Well my friend, I’m here to tell you that you are worthy of those things along with anything else that sets your heart on fire. Now it’s your turn to start believing it.
I’ve been made to feel as if I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough because I’m young. I’m not good enough because I don’t have a career. I don’t make six figures. Shit, I don’t even have health insurance. (I know you coming for me during tax season, Obama. It’s all good.) I’m not good enough because I have a “strong personality.” I’m not good enough because I’m a woman. I’m not good enough because I’m a woman which therefore means I cannot impregnate your daughter. I’m not good enough because I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m not good enough because I talk as if I’m “from the street.” I’m not good enough because I don’t eat “properly.” I’m not good enough because I’m from Paterson. I’m not good enough because I curse…often. I’m not good enough because I’m a lesbian.
See, the issue with these statements is that they did not come from my mouth. They didn’t come from my mouth because I AM GOOD ENOUGH. Call me young all you want; age ain’t nothing but a number to me. I know that I’m mature and that’s all that matters. (Emphasis on “I know.”) I don’t have a career and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life but remember when you called me a baby? Well, this baby has PLENTY of time to figure out what she wants to do with her life considering she’s only 22 years old. (Whatever happened to having fun? I’m not cut out for that 9-5, come home and admire my white picket fence before I cook dinner for my family five nights a week, life.) And I mean, this is a blog dedicated to making women and gays feel good about themselves so I don’t even have to say that I’m good enough because I have lady parts, but I will anyway. I’M A WOMAN AND I’M GOOD ENOUGH. And I know that I can’t impregnate your daughter but I can raise children with her and be the best mother I can be.
So, there it is. Rather than allowing someone to make me feel like shit, I decided to tell myself that I’m enough. In fact, I’m more than enough.
Today’s objective: Reminding yourself of your values and realizing that they may be different from the values of others.
The lesbian who will never let another dictate her life
Have you ever wanted to change something about your physical appearance? Maybe your nose. Maybe your chin. Maybe your breasts. Maybe your weight. And I mean, the list goes on. This is a result of beauty standards. In our society, you shouldn’t be too skinny but you definitely shouldn’t be overweight. Your A cup breasts may not be enough, but your double D’s are too much. You may be too pale or you may very well be too dark. Does this “in-between” person even exist? And if this in-between person does exist and is the model for beauty, is she beautiful in everyone’s eyes? Of course she isn’t because beauty is absolutely in the eye of the beholder.
Our society attempts to give beauty a narrow definition, but this actually isn’t logical. Each and every one of us perceives things differently and I know that this seems like common sense but we forget all about this when we’re looking at ourselves in the mirror. We forget all about this when we’re cleaning our bodies in the shower. We forget all about this when we’re applying primer, foundation, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, and mascara to our faces. We go to great extremes to cover up our imperfections. But whose to say that these are imperfections? You may not be a fan of your nose but I guarantee you that there are tons of people who’d think your nose is the cutest little thing! You may not be a fan of your body but there’s women who are taking diet pills to have a body just like yours. And don’t think that everyone wants to be skinny. There are plenty of skinny girls who wish that they were bigger. And please don’t ask them, “BUT WHY?!” Why? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and their definition of beauty is different from yours.
There is not ONE thing that’s ugly in this world as there is not ONE thing that’s beautiful in this world. Well ok, maybe I’m exaggerating because there is one thing that’s ugly in this world: JUDGEMENT. And there is one thing that’s beautiful in this world: LOVE. So, with this being said, next time you take a look in the mirror and criticize one of your features, ask yourself, “BUT WHOSE TO SAY THIS IS UNATTRACTIVE?” Sure the kids on the playground may not have liked it and maybe your own family members don’t like it but on the other hand, there are tons of people who admire those features that you hate the most.
Please don’t be one of those people who gives beauty a narrow definition. Beauty is immeasurable. It’s boundless, it’s limitless. Your beauty is infinite!
The beautiful because I fucking said so lesbian