Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something many of us struggle with. What we see in the media and what we see in the mirror is different and sometimes that’s a problem. It would be silly to solely blame the media when we have friends and family whose advice we take seriously. There’s memes on Instagram about being the ugly friend. There are parents who tell their child(ren) how to dress, how to do their hair, etc. We all grow up knowing what’s an appropriate outfit to wear and what’s inappropriate. Women know when they should wear makeup and do their hair and men know when to wear a suit and tie. But some people don’t want to follow these rules. 

This past weekend I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and unfortunately it wasn’t the first time that I felt this way. I didn’t feel beautiful, sexy, pretty, or whatever adjective you’d like to use. My hair didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I was bloated. And I wasn’t in love with my outfit. As opposed to leaving the house feeling good and excited for that night’s festivities (a long awaited Drake concert at Madison Square Garden!), I felt insecure and had the urge to stay inside where no one could see or judge me. It didn’t help that I was standing next to a blonde hair, green eye goddess either. I didn’t want to be the “ugly one” in the relationship. I didn’t want people to think to themselves, “Why is she with her?” And throughout the night, I kept thinking to myself, “She could be with anyone. Why is she with me?” 

These thoughts lingered through the night and made their way into my head the following morning. As I laid on the beach, I thought and thought and thought some more. I realized that I am insecure and not in love with the way I look or dress. Then I thought about it some more because thinking is what I do. I then realized that I have to accept myself for who I am. I am unlike other women. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t own a purse. I don’t have a drawer full of accessories. I don’t have a closet full of shoes. Instead, I have a closet full of sneakers. While I want to feel beautiful, I have no desire to shop for a “Saturday night outfit.” There’s no part of me that wants to get dolled up. There’s no part of me that wants to “dress like a girl for once” as my friend once told me. I’m a woman who dresses up on occasion but most of the time wants to wear sweatpants, sneakers, and a hoodie. I can’t keep thinking that I am less attractive than woman who dress up because that’s MY kind of beautiful. I feel the most confident in a fresh pair of sneakers.

That’s just who I am. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who will always be more excited for a new pair of kicks rather than a new handbag 

PS: This is for all of you who are different in some way, shape, or form. Know who you are and accept it. It’ll pay off in the long run.

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Fruit of life

What is the fruit of your life? First of all, what does this even mean? Is the fruit of life synonymous with happiness? I’ll give you a few examples of what “fruit of life” means to me.

Fruit of life is losing track of time. It’s checking the time, realizing it’s super late and saying to yourself, “Maybe I should go to sleep so that I’m not falling asleep at work which is where I’ll be in about 6-7 hours.” You realize that this lack of sleep is going to fuck you over in a few hours but you don’t even care because you’re enjoying the moment. Enjoying the moment is something that many of us struggle with. It’s difficult for us to enjoy today because we’re concerned with tomorrow. It’s difficult for us to enjoy tomorrow because we’re concerned with next month. It’s even difficult for us to enjoy this exact moment because we’re thinking about what we’re going to be doing two hours from now. My word of advice is to enjoy the moments where time does not matter. The moments when cellphones don’t matter. Her post on Instagram doesn’t matter and his tweet doesn’t matter. Your e-mails don’t matter. Nothing matters besides the exact moment that you’re in.

Fruit of life is being comfortable in your own skin. It’s taking your shirt off and not thinking about the weight you want to lose. It’s taking your bra off and not thinking about the C or D cup you want. It’s taking your pants off and not thinking about the cellulite or the stretch marks on your thighs. Being naked is intended to be liberating; is it not? It’s difficult for many of us to look at our naked body, let alone someone else. But what if that someone thinks that the size of your breasts are just right? What if that someone kisses your thighs as though the cellulite and stretch marks don’t exist? What if that person’s idea of beauty is you? If they can so easily think that beauty’s definition has a picture of you next to it, why can’t you think the same? If your idea of beauty is someone you see on TV, I’m sorry (not really) but that’ll never be you. But what’s even more important is that it doesn’t matter. Your body is a result of YOUR genes, YOUR eating habits, YOUR level of fitness. Love your body effortlessly. Enjoy your naked body just as much as the person making love to it does.

Fruit of life is doing the things you enjoy doing without remorse. It’s having that drink after work. It’s eating that donut you’ve been craving. It’s having sex when you’re horny. It’s smoking that blunt you’ve been wanting to smoke. It’s booking that flight. It’s buying that expensive outfit. It’s doing things without attaching any negative thoughts and feelings to them. It’s enjoying yourself…effortlessly.

Fruit of life is the fountain of youth.

The things that make you happy keep you young at heart.

Stay young.

Yours truly,

Young lez 😉

Fiveheads are the new black

Have you ever wanted to change something about your physical appearance? Maybe your nose. Maybe your chin. Maybe your breasts. Maybe your weight. And I mean, the list goes on. This is a result of beauty standards. In our society, you shouldn’t be too skinny but you definitely shouldn’t be overweight. Your A cup breasts may not be enough, but your double D’s are too much. You may be too pale or you may very well be too dark. Does this “in-between” person even exist? And if this in-between person does exist and is the model for beauty, is she beautiful in everyone’s eyes? Of course she isn’t because beauty is absolutely in the eye of the beholder.

Our society attempts to give beauty a narrow definition, but this actually isn’t logical. Each and every one of us perceives things differently and I know that this seems like common sense but we forget all about this when we’re looking at ourselves in the mirror. We forget all about this when we’re cleaning our bodies in the shower. We forget all about this when we’re applying primer, foundation, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, and mascara to our faces. We go to great extremes to cover up our imperfections. But whose to say that these are imperfections? You may not be a fan of your nose but I guarantee you that there are tons of people who’d think your nose is the cutest little thing! You may not be a fan of your body but there’s women who are taking diet pills to have a body just like yours. And don’t think that everyone wants to be skinny. There are plenty of skinny girls who wish that they were bigger. And please don’t ask them, “BUT WHY?!” Why? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and their definition of beauty is different from yours.

There is not ONE thing that’s ugly in this world as there is not ONE thing that’s beautiful in this world. Well ok, maybe I’m exaggerating because there is one thing that’s ugly in this world: JUDGEMENT. And there is one thing that’s beautiful in this world: LOVE. So, with this being said, next time you take a look in the mirror and criticize one of your features, ask yourself, “BUT WHOSE TO SAY THIS IS UNATTRACTIVE?” Sure the kids on the playground may not have liked it and maybe your own family members don’t like it but on the other hand, there are tons of people who admire those features that you hate the most.

Please don’t be one of those people who gives beauty a narrow definition. Beauty is immeasurable. It’s boundless, it’s limitless. Your beauty is infinite!

Yours truly,

The beautiful because I fucking said so lesbian