24 in 24 

I’m turning 24 years old in 24 hours… ish. 23 was an important year and I’d probably say it was the best year of my life. Here’s 24 reasons why: 

1) August 11, 2016 – my girlfriend treated me to a delicious meal at a REAL steakhouse #notoutback 😉 


2) I went to my first baseball game. The Mets lost, of course 😂


3) Volunteered at Global Citizen Festival for the first time. Thank you, Patrick! 


4) Witnessed one of my girlfriend’s dreams come true: she met her FAVORITE artist! 


5) Saw Beyoncé for the SECOND time that year! 


6) Completed my first Tough Mudder 💪🏼 


7) Visited Austin, TX for the first time. 


8) Went skydiving for the first time! 


9) Visited Canada for the first time and spent New Years in Montreal. 


10) Learned how to ski at Whiteface Mountain! Thank you, Kyle from ORDA, for organizing an amazing trip for us.

 

11) Went skiing for the SECOND time on Valentine’s Day. 


12) Went skiing for the THIRD time, this time at Mountain Creek. 


13) Seen and listened to two of my favorite women talk at BMCC, Chelsea Handler and Gloria Steinem. 


14) On our way to a two-week vacation in California! 

15) Fell in love with Palm Springs and San Jacinto State Park.

 

16) Came to the realization that Joshua Tree is my favorite national park thus far. 


17) Went camping for the very first time (that little, orange tent is ours). 


18) Hurt my neck looking up at the sequoias in Sequoia National Park. 


19) Enjoyed the picturesque Mesquite Flat Sand Dunes in Death Valley National Park. 


20) Unexpectedly spent time in Las Vegas with my family from LA. 


21) Met my favorite spoken word artist, Rudy Francisco. 


22) Started rock climbing. Thank you, Brooklyn Boulders! Looking forward to becoming a #beast 💪🏼


23) Seen my favorite artist, J. Cole. 


24) And last but not least, here a few people that make every day worth it. 


I’m looking forward to 24 being just as full of adventure as 23 was. I want to learn more about myself, the ones I love, and life. I want to continue falling in love with nature, CMG, and new experiences. I want to be myself wholeheartedly. I want to be honest with myself and those around me. I want to live every day like it’s my last. 

And for those reading this, live your best life. Make a bucket list, make a list of what makes you happy and do it! If money is a problem, start a lemonade stand, start a GoFundMe, or wait until you have the money in place to make your dreams come true. It’ll be worth it when you’re telling your grandkids how much fun you had in your 20s. 😉 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who wants to live life to its fullest on her birthday and the other 364 days of the year 

My favorite example of love. 

I’ve been a romantic all my life and I’ve thought about, dreamt about, and talked about my ideal love. I fantasized about how they would make me feel, what they would say, and how happy they’d make me. My friends and I spent hours talking about our examples of love. As much as I wanted it, I wasn’t sure if it existed. I thought, maybe my expectations are too high and I’m living in a fantasy world. 

Then, you came along. 

You came along and made it feel like there was electricity flowing through my body. 

You came along and I stopped caring about how awkward it is to stare at someone. 

From the time we are children, we’re told that staring at someone is rude. But I can’t help but to stare at you. 

I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness when your eyes meet mine. I’ve even thought, “If I stare too long, I may start to cry.” 

This made me realize that tears of joy are real. And I’m almost certain that this is how you feel.  
You said I don’t write any “good” blogs in terms of good feelings. Well, here it is. 

Even when you’re away, I can feel you right here.  

Yours truly, 

The lesbian 

08/11/93 @ 3:58 pm 

Today is my last day as a 22 year old. On my birthday last year, Brenda said there’s nothing special about turning 22. She was right. No one celebrates their 22nd birthday like they do their 21st, 25th, 30th, so on and so forth. But after sending her a snap this morning about reflecting on my 22nd year of life, she said, “Well it’s been your best year yet, wouldn’t you say?” And she’s right. My 22nd year has been incredible. Here’s why: 


08/11/2015 


1st vacation together in Bar Harbor, Maine 


New friends. Shoutout to TNF GSP! 


Halloween 2k15. 


2nd annual Rocky Run in Philly. 


Alex’s first concert, my first time seeing one of my favorite artists: The Weeknd 


The cutest Christmas picture ever. 


12/25/15 


NYE. 


Maxwell concert on Valentine’s Day. 


2nd vacation together in Arizona. 


2nd annual NJ Half Marathon. (Side note: I knew I wanted to date her while driving down to Long Branch for the 1st NJ Half Marathon. Dreams do come true.) 


The best selfie ever. 


And yet another concert. Queen Bey. 


Fourth of July weekend in Pittsburgh with a few sweet angels. 


And yet ANOTHER concert. This time Drake. 

And that brings me to today. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for my friends, family, and of course the love of my life for making my 22nd year the best one yet. 

Yours truly, 

Baby lez 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something many of us struggle with. What we see in the media and what we see in the mirror is different and sometimes that’s a problem. It would be silly to solely blame the media when we have friends and family whose advice we take seriously. There’s memes on Instagram about being the ugly friend. There are parents who tell their child(ren) how to dress, how to do their hair, etc. We all grow up knowing what’s an appropriate outfit to wear and what’s inappropriate. Women know when they should wear makeup and do their hair and men know when to wear a suit and tie. But some people don’t want to follow these rules. 

This past weekend I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and unfortunately it wasn’t the first time that I felt this way. I didn’t feel beautiful, sexy, pretty, or whatever adjective you’d like to use. My hair didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I was bloated. And I wasn’t in love with my outfit. As opposed to leaving the house feeling good and excited for that night’s festivities (a long awaited Drake concert at Madison Square Garden!), I felt insecure and had the urge to stay inside where no one could see or judge me. It didn’t help that I was standing next to a blonde hair, green eye goddess either. I didn’t want to be the “ugly one” in the relationship. I didn’t want people to think to themselves, “Why is she with her?” And throughout the night, I kept thinking to myself, “She could be with anyone. Why is she with me?” 

These thoughts lingered through the night and made their way into my head the following morning. As I laid on the beach, I thought and thought and thought some more. I realized that I am insecure and not in love with the way I look or dress. Then I thought about it some more because thinking is what I do. I then realized that I have to accept myself for who I am. I am unlike other women. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t own a purse. I don’t have a drawer full of accessories. I don’t have a closet full of shoes. Instead, I have a closet full of sneakers. While I want to feel beautiful, I have no desire to shop for a “Saturday night outfit.” There’s no part of me that wants to get dolled up. There’s no part of me that wants to “dress like a girl for once” as my friend once told me. I’m a woman who dresses up on occasion but most of the time wants to wear sweatpants, sneakers, and a hoodie. I can’t keep thinking that I am less attractive than woman who dress up because that’s MY kind of beautiful. I feel the most confident in a fresh pair of sneakers.

That’s just who I am. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who will always be more excited for a new pair of kicks rather than a new handbag 

PS: This is for all of you who are different in some way, shape, or form. Know who you are and accept it. It’ll pay off in the long run.

Lady Lamb – Taxidermist 

While everyone is busy, I wish to be doing nothing. I’m in my own world. 

I don’t want to feel as if I’ve lost control. 

I don’t want to be controlled. 

While everyone is watching the fireworks, I wish to be in bed with my love during a thunderstorm. 

We’re in our own world. 

I like our world. 

“Let’s do things to distract them,” the government says. 

Let’s kill a group of cops to distract people from the other murders that have just taken place. 

We think we’re in control. 

We think we’re free. 

But we’re not. 

We aren’t free from influence. 

But we are able to formulate our own thoughts. 

To think on our own. 

To be skeptical. 

To ask questions. 

To dig deeper. 

To take a different perspective. 

Open up your mind which’ll open up your world. 

There’s so much to learn, so much to do, so many memories to make. 

I want to make them with you. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian listening to a song for the first time 

That’s the way you make me feel. 

Society keeps breaking my heart. 

The uncertainty of it breaks my heart. Sabrina would tell me to stop tripping, to be present, and to hope for the best. She’d tell me to stop worrying so much about the future. But I’m here to share my fears with others, let them know that they are not alone, and also bring awareness to others. 

Awareness of how hard it is to be a lesbian. I may sound like a broken record; this is a topic that I cover often. But unfortunately, it continues to be a relevant one. 

I don’t know what the future holds but what I do know is that it sucks to CONVINCE other women that being with a woman is perfectly ok and actually feels really good. I’ve been trying to accept, fully understand, and wrap my head around this statement: “sexuality is fluid.” I realize that it is and I’d hate to bash bisexuals like the rest of the world does. But goddamn, this sucks. It sucks to want to marry a woman, have a family with her, and start a life with her, but never be sure if she’d be WILLING to do so. I hate feeling as if I have to CONVINCE others that women DO get married and have long, healthy marriages the same way heterosexual couples do. I hate feeling as if I have to CONVINCE others that two women can raise a child without the child growing up to be gay, different, confused, or whatever else people may think will transpire. I hate loving a woman and thinking to myself, “Am I enough? Will she leave me for a man one day?” I’m only speaking for myself when I say this, but I feel pressured to do everything and anything in my power to keep a woman happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness or putting my needs on the back burner. I’m constantly trying to be different from a man in hopes that it’ll be enough to keep a woman. I repeatedly think to myself, “Well, if I treat her better than most men have in the past, she’ll want to stay with me.” But then doubt enters my mind and that statement is followed by a, “….right?” And then I think, “WRONG!” I worry that one day she’ll want to live a “normal” life. She’ll want to have a normal family: a man, a woman, and a kid. She’ll want to have a normal wedding. A man and his groomsmen on one side of the alter and a woman and her bridesmaids on the other. 

My heart races as I write this. 

It races because I’m afraid. 

Afraid that I won’t be enough. 

Afraid that I won’t convince her to live an “abnormal” life. 

Afraid that I’ll always lose the love of my life to society’s standards. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who worries as if it’s her full-time job 

1 out of 365. 

 

What does acting like a girl even mean? Does it mean I have to enjoy wearing heels and have a secret wedding board on Pinterest? Does it mean I have to sit a certain way? Does it mean I have to enjoy cooking and cleaning? Unfortunately, for some people, it does. But, on this #InternationalWomensDay I want both men and women to know that there is no prototype. Every woman is different. While some do enjoy wearing heels, cooking, cleaning, etc., there are also many women who do not. There are women who enjoy wearing baggy clothes, women who don’t shave on a regular basis, women who don’t wear makeup, and the list goes on. These women should not be excluded or thought of as any less than a woman. Women, regardless of their lifestyle preferences, are capable of being successful doctors, lawyers, CEOs, and even the president of the United States. In my opinion, being told to “act like a lady,” is the worst insult ever. 

I always act like a lady because I am one. 

Yours truly, 

The lesbian who loves women on #InternationalWomensDay and every other day of the year