I need a day off from thinking. I think from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. My mind is full of questions. It wanders off into the darkest parts of my soul. I think of everything that can go wrong. I think of heartache, the past, and life’s struggles. I think of being abandoned by the one I love. I think of all of the places I haven’t seen and all of the places I won’t get the chance to see. I think of everything I haven’t done. I think of the sports I didn’t play, the grades I didn’t get, and even the classes I didn’t take. I think of the house I may never be able to afford and the life I may never be able to live. I think of the beginning and the end, never what comes in between. I think the beginning is the best and the end is the worst. The beginning is fresh and exciting while the end is painful and relentless. The problem with my thinking is it is not focused on the current moment. I’m either living in the past or looking forward to the future. I’m focusing on all of the pain associated with the past and all of the happiness associated with the future. I have to stop thinking in these terms or I’ll never be happy. I’ll never cherish the moment. I’ll continue to drive myself crazy, to ask questions I don’t need to ask, and to think thoughts that will only cause trouble. I have to stop myself. I have to take control of my hyperactive mind and just live!
Now is probably a good time to start meditating. I shouldn’t have waited this long.
The lesbian who thinks too damn much