Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something many of us struggle with. What we see in the media and what we see in the mirror is different and sometimes that’s a problem. It would be silly to solely blame the media when we have friends and family whose advice we take seriously. There’s memes on Instagram about being the ugly friend. There are parents who tell their child(ren) how to dress, how to do their hair, etc. We all grow up knowing what’s an appropriate outfit to wear and what’s inappropriate. Women know when they should wear makeup and do their hair and men know when to wear a suit and tie. But some people don’t want to follow these rules.
This past weekend I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and unfortunately it wasn’t the first time that I felt this way. I didn’t feel beautiful, sexy, pretty, or whatever adjective you’d like to use. My hair didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I was bloated. And I wasn’t in love with my outfit. As opposed to leaving the house feeling good and excited for that night’s festivities (a long awaited Drake concert at Madison Square Garden!), I felt insecure and had the urge to stay inside where no one could see or judge me. It didn’t help that I was standing next to a blonde hair, green eye goddess either. I didn’t want to be the “ugly one” in the relationship. I didn’t want people to think to themselves, “Why is she with her?” And throughout the night, I kept thinking to myself, “She could be with anyone. Why is she with me?”
These thoughts lingered through the night and made their way into my head the following morning. As I laid on the beach, I thought and thought and thought some more. I realized that I am insecure and not in love with the way I look or dress. Then I thought about it some more because thinking is what I do. I then realized that I have to accept myself for who I am. I am unlike other women. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t own a purse. I don’t have a drawer full of accessories. I don’t have a closet full of shoes. Instead, I have a closet full of sneakers. While I want to feel beautiful, I have no desire to shop for a “Saturday night outfit.” There’s no part of me that wants to get dolled up. There’s no part of me that wants to “dress like a girl for once” as my friend once told me. I’m a woman who dresses up on occasion but most of the time wants to wear sweatpants, sneakers, and a hoodie. I can’t keep thinking that I am less attractive than woman who dress up because that’s MY kind of beautiful. I feel the most confident in a fresh pair of sneakers.
That’s just who I am.
The lesbian who will always be more excited for a new pair of kicks rather than a new handbag
PS: This is for all of you who are different in some way, shape, or form. Know who you are and accept it. It’ll pay off in the long run.