Productiveness VS Laziness

“A paradox is a self contradictory statement or situation. It’s a logical process, in which the facts appear to be opposed to themselves.”

Example that I found online: “Nobody goes to that restaurant, it’s too crowded.”

“An extremist is a person who holds extreme or fanatical political or religious views, especially one who resorts to or advocates extreme action.”

Besides calling myself a walking, talking paradox because of a Facebook post I saw years ago, I’ve also considered myself an extremist. This idea also originated in my mind a few years ago and came from a Joe Budden lyric. And last but not least, I’ve had someone tell me that I’ll never be satisfied. For whatever reason, I’m constantly thinking about me. I don’t why I started that sentence with, “for whatever reason.” I guess it just felt right. Anyways, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out who I am. And sure, I think about the future and tangible things like a house of my own. I also think about non-tangible things like marriage and a family. And yes, I’m referring to those things as non-tangible because we can’t touch love and that’s the core of a happy marriage and a happy family. But most of my thoughts are geared towards who am I as a person? What does Evelyn like? What does she dislike? What makes her happy? What makes her sad? (This question is far more easier to answer than the first). How does she deal with stress? What are her flaws? Her weaknesses? All I’m trying to do is get to know me. I want to be able to describe me far better than my mom does. I wanna know me better than anyone else does. But I’m a difficult woman to read. So difficult that I actually can’t read myself. I don’t think this was the point behind this blog post. But I have a shit load of thoughts and it’s difficult for me to continuously think about one. Maybe this is why it’s so hard for me to figure out just who I am because focusing on one thing at a time for a long period of time is challenging.

I started this blog motivated and completely ready to tackle a specific topic. But I guess I exhausted myself. I think I’ll take a nap now.

Yours truly,

The ranting lesbian

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