“A paradox is a self contradictory statement or situation. It’s a logical process, in which the facts appear to be opposed to themselves.”
Example that I found online: “Nobody goes to that restaurant, it’s too crowded.”
“An extremist is a person who holds extreme or fanatical political or religious views, especially one who resorts to or advocates extreme action.”
Besides calling myself a walking, talking paradox because of a Facebook post I saw years ago, I’ve also considered myself an extremist. This idea also originated in my mind a few years ago and came from a Joe Budden lyric. And last but not least, I’ve had someone tell me that I’ll never be satisfied. For whatever reason, I’m constantly thinking about me. I don’t why I started that sentence with, “for whatever reason.” I guess it just felt right. Anyways, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out who I am. And sure, I think about the future and tangible things like a house of my own. I also think about non-tangible things like marriage and a family. And yes, I’m referring to those things as non-tangible because we can’t touch love and that’s the core of a happy marriage and a happy family. But most of my thoughts are geared towards who am I as a person? What does Evelyn like? What does she dislike? What makes her happy? What makes her sad? (This question is far more easier to answer than the first). How does she deal with stress? What are her flaws? Her weaknesses? All I’m trying to do is get to know me. I want to be able to describe me far better than my mom does. I wanna know me better than anyone else does. But I’m a difficult woman to read. So difficult that I actually can’t read myself. I don’t think this was the point behind this blog post. But I have a shit load of thoughts and it’s difficult for me to continuously think about one. Maybe this is why it’s so hard for me to figure out just who I am because focusing on one thing at a time for a long period of time is challenging.
I started this blog motivated and completely ready to tackle a specific topic. But I guess I exhausted myself. I think I’ll take a nap now.
The ranting lesbian
One of my friends asked me what my coming out story is and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how unacceptable homosexuality continues to be. We love to say, “put yourself in my shoes,” but I’m not sure if we all know what that means. Plus, most straight people can’t even imagine what being gay is like. Here’s another flaw with our society, but I’m not going to get into it… Just yet. What I’d like to do is help people walk in the shoes of someone who is gay. But actually walk in their shoes, not pretend to. Here it goes..
Have you ever had someone tell you any of the following things?
1. You can’t wear that
2. You can’t say that
3. You can’t buy that
4. You can’t eat that
5. You can’t feel that
6. You can’t drink that
7. You can’t touch that
Have you ever had someone dictate your life? (Keyword: your). When you tell someone who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, or queer that they CAN’T be who they are, you’re attempting to dictate their life. You’re dictating their life the same way your parents may have dictated and continue to dictate yours. The same way a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife may have tried to dictate yours. The same way a teacher may have tried to dictate your life. Think about the times you’ve heard the word “can’t.” Think about how you felt when someone told you that you can’t do something. I bet you felt the urge to do the complete opposite. You probably wanted to turn those CANTS into CANS. You probably wanted to make choices on your own. You probably wanted to live your life based on your standards, not someone else’s. Let’s all do each other a favor and stop trying to dictate someone else’s life.
Love is natural.
Therefore, being gay IS natural.
The natural lesbian 😉
I was having a conversion with my aunt in the middle of Anthropologie and she asked me, “what’s one word that describes me?” The word that she chose for herself was resilient and the word that I chose for her was fixed. She then went on to say that she didn’t like the F or X in the word “fixed.” Then and there, I should’ve used the word, “selective” or “picky” or maybe even “annoying” to describe her (love you too <3). I obviously asked her to describe me using one word and she initially chose the word powerful. Later on, she changed this and chose the word “mindful.” She said that that’s the word she’s going to stick with because I immediately smiled when she said it. I thought to myself, “Sabrina would be so proud!” I was intrigued by this question, as I’m intrigued by many other questions, and decided to text a few individuals. My text read: “one word to describe yourself?” These were the answers I received:
And last but certainly not least, extra.
What do you think upon reading these responses? Do you think it’s possible to describe the intricacies of our personalities using one word? Does your word encompass you as a whole or simply a part of you? Are you helpful in most, if not all, situations? Are you bubbly in most, if not all, situations? Would your closest friends and family describe you this way as well? Does it matter? Limiting our personalities to one word may be silly but I think that the point of this question is to help us begin or continue the self-reflection process. This is certainly one of my favorite questions and if it’s yours, ask as many people as possible and see what answers you get. See if this question sparks an excellent conversation between you and a friend. See if this question teaches you something about someone you may not have known beforehand. But most importantly, think about you. Always think about you.
The mindful lesbian
What is the fruit of your life? First of all, what does this even mean? Is the fruit of life synonymous with happiness? I’ll give you a few examples of what “fruit of life” means to me.
Fruit of life is losing track of time. It’s checking the time, realizing it’s super late and saying to yourself, “Maybe I should go to sleep so that I’m not falling asleep at work which is where I’ll be in about 6-7 hours.” You realize that this lack of sleep is going to fuck you over in a few hours but you don’t even care because you’re enjoying the moment. Enjoying the moment is something that many of us struggle with. It’s difficult for us to enjoy today because we’re concerned with tomorrow. It’s difficult for us to enjoy tomorrow because we’re concerned with next month. It’s even difficult for us to enjoy this exact moment because we’re thinking about what we’re going to be doing two hours from now. My word of advice is to enjoy the moments where time does not matter. The moments when cellphones don’t matter. Her post on Instagram doesn’t matter and his tweet doesn’t matter. Your e-mails don’t matter. Nothing matters besides the exact moment that you’re in.
Fruit of life is being comfortable in your own skin. It’s taking your shirt off and not thinking about the weight you want to lose. It’s taking your bra off and not thinking about the C or D cup you want. It’s taking your pants off and not thinking about the cellulite or the stretch marks on your thighs. Being naked is intended to be liberating; is it not? It’s difficult for many of us to look at our naked body, let alone someone else. But what if that someone thinks that the size of your breasts are just right? What if that someone kisses your thighs as though the cellulite and stretch marks don’t exist? What if that person’s idea of beauty is you? If they can so easily think that beauty’s definition has a picture of you next to it, why can’t you think the same? If your idea of beauty is someone you see on TV, I’m sorry (not really) but that’ll never be you. But what’s even more important is that it doesn’t matter. Your body is a result of YOUR genes, YOUR eating habits, YOUR level of fitness. Love your body effortlessly. Enjoy your naked body just as much as the person making love to it does.
Fruit of life is doing the things you enjoy doing without remorse. It’s having that drink after work. It’s eating that donut you’ve been craving. It’s having sex when you’re horny. It’s smoking that blunt you’ve been wanting to smoke. It’s booking that flight. It’s buying that expensive outfit. It’s doing things without attaching any negative thoughts and feelings to them. It’s enjoying yourself…effortlessly.
Fruit of life is the fountain of youth.
The things that make you happy keep you young at heart.
Young lez 😉
Have you ever wanted to change something about your physical appearance? Maybe your nose. Maybe your chin. Maybe your breasts. Maybe your weight. And I mean, the list goes on. This is a result of beauty standards. In our society, you shouldn’t be too skinny but you definitely shouldn’t be overweight. Your A cup breasts may not be enough, but your double D’s are too much. You may be too pale or you may very well be too dark. Does this “in-between” person even exist? And if this in-between person does exist and is the model for beauty, is she beautiful in everyone’s eyes? Of course she isn’t because beauty is absolutely in the eye of the beholder.
Our society attempts to give beauty a narrow definition, but this actually isn’t logical. Each and every one of us perceives things differently and I know that this seems like common sense but we forget all about this when we’re looking at ourselves in the mirror. We forget all about this when we’re cleaning our bodies in the shower. We forget all about this when we’re applying primer, foundation, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, and mascara to our faces. We go to great extremes to cover up our imperfections. But whose to say that these are imperfections? You may not be a fan of your nose but I guarantee you that there are tons of people who’d think your nose is the cutest little thing! You may not be a fan of your body but there’s women who are taking diet pills to have a body just like yours. And don’t think that everyone wants to be skinny. There are plenty of skinny girls who wish that they were bigger. And please don’t ask them, “BUT WHY?!” Why? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and their definition of beauty is different from yours.
There is not ONE thing that’s ugly in this world as there is not ONE thing that’s beautiful in this world. Well ok, maybe I’m exaggerating because there is one thing that’s ugly in this world: JUDGEMENT. And there is one thing that’s beautiful in this world: LOVE. So, with this being said, next time you take a look in the mirror and criticize one of your features, ask yourself, “BUT WHOSE TO SAY THIS IS UNATTRACTIVE?” Sure the kids on the playground may not have liked it and maybe your own family members don’t like it but on the other hand, there are tons of people who admire those features that you hate the most.
Please don’t be one of those people who gives beauty a narrow definition. Beauty is immeasurable. It’s boundless, it’s limitless. Your beauty is infinite!
The beautiful because I fucking said so lesbian
This blog post may be a bit cliché and if you haven’t already noticed, I HATE being cliché, but as always, love is the exception. So here it goes…
I want the let’s have a picnic type love. The let’s lay in a room with twenty candles lit and listen to love songs for hours type love. The let’s slow dance in our apartment type love. I want the let’s go to Central Park and read until the sun goes down type love and then talk about what we read type love. I want the let’s talk about everything and anything type love. I want the you know everything about me but will never use any of it against me type love. The judgment-free type love. The “we’re going away this weekend” type love. The “let’s travel the world together” type love. The “you can travel with friends and I’ll stay home” type love. The non-overbearing but you don’t want to live a day without me type love. I want the let’s spend an entire Saturday in our apartment cooking type love. I want the “let’s change the world together” type love. The “I believe that one day you’ll change the world, baby” type love. The “I support your dreams” type love. I want the let’s go to a new restaurant every weekend type love. The let’s try every cuisine together type love. The let’s learn a new language and then move to that country type love. I want the let’s help women and children in third world countries together type love. I want the I’m attracted to your intellect type love but you’re also sexy as hell type love. I want the let’s fuck on a rooftop in New York City type love. I want the “I’m pulling over right now and fucking you in the backseat of this car” type love. The complimentary type love. I want the complementary type love. The “you make me a better person” type love. The write each other love letters type love. The non-jealous type love. The “damn, she’s fine; let’s take her home tonight” type love. The communicative type love. I want the let’s not hold back type love. The open and honest type love. I want the spending the rest of my life with you isn’t long enough type love. The “I just know” type love.
Love can and should be simple.
The I can be a mush lesbian